Those days you want to lock your children in the backyard, but realize you don’t have a fence and it would definitely be the day that the local police decide to patrol the neighborhood and see your children acting like hoodlums “locked,” but in a loving way, outside.  Then, inevitably, you’d be questioned, and it dawns you that the thought of being arrested doesn’t sound quite so bad (just for a brief moment), because you haven’t had a day to yourself in a bajillion years, and the thought of a night “off” sounds appealing, so you consider just turning yourself in, for what, though? Well, nothing, but again, the thought of a night “off.” Then you remember that orange is NOT the new black, since orange is not your color. So, you reconsider. Back to reality, although, is it? You, of course, look tired and ragged because you haven’t showered and are still in yoga clothes, though there wasn’t a yoga class that day.  Then, they’d look in your garage and see your “recycling” of wine bottles.  The only reason there are so many (maybe a case) is because you forgot to take out the recycling last week and it just became a mountain.  Although, we all know the truth…all the wine is really from that week.  Who are you kidding?  Of course, at the same time, the news truck would drive by because, well, the news was slow that week and they were just trying to find a story.  So, they see you outside talking to the police, and they stop.  Your local reporter gets out, immaculately dressed, of course, because the station pays for her clothes, and she sees you in your “yoga” clothes…not fooling anyone.  She thinks this must be a great story…what story, though? She’s secretly judging, though it’s not so secret since it’s written all over her disapproving, I’m-glad-I-don’t-have-children look.  Bless her heart.

After realizing this, you decide to just keep the children inside and since it’s almost 5:00 o’clock (OK, in 5 hours), you have an appropriate beverage…coffee with a splash.  You be the judge of what the “splash” is.  It’s creamer, you judgy people. 

For my super, super simple recipe, I made smoked salmon and guacamole toast. I’ll give you a run-down, just so there aren’t any questions. For the record, I’d say at least 95% of my ingredients, OK, probably closer to 100%, come from Whole Foods and are mostly organic.

Ingredients: fancy bread, smoked salmon, guacamole (You can make it, but why?)

I started with a salty olive bread. Don’t be grossed out. It didn’t have any olives in it. It was olive oil, that’s just what the label said. So, I sliced it and toasted it in my oven…I don’t have a toaster. Am I the only one? Anyway, not important, but seriously, am I?

Next, I topped it with guacamole (made by WF…so good) and swirled a piece of cold-smoked salmon on top. It’s just the easiest lunch, and it’s delicious, and it looks fancy. If it looks fancy, I feel fancy. So, enjoy your “those days” easy, peasy, fancy lunch!